The jokes appears to be on me.

I pulled into my driveway today, after having to take my daughter to the doctor as early as possible on a Sunday because of an apparent ear infection (she screamed from the moment she woke up until we got into the doctor… about 2 hours), and what do I see? Cabin Grandpa’s truck, my husband’s truck and my parent’s car parked there. All the people who are not here to help me. My support group represented by their vehicles. Shot to heart!

I knew this first hitch of Vincent being gone would be tough. I underestimated what would be thrown at me. Hey… if you’re going to get used to having to do things alone… what better way than to be challenged at every turn? And have all back up people be out of town. (*That’s not 100% fair. My sister in law who lives here did call the other night, but in the midst of crying/medicating kids and wrangling dogs, I didn’t get a chance to talk to her.)

Between conferences with parents, sick kiddos, being coughed on, vomited on and snotted on… plus having no communication with my husband beyond a few 2 minute phone calls… plus apparently there’s some sort of night loitering going around in my neighborhood… plus no babysitter… jeez. Oh! And throw in an uncle who is in ICU because of complications with a cancerous tumor. Anything else? Anything? You can believe I’m waiting for something else to come along.

There’s been lots of good things too. Snuggles with my hilarious little man… who is extra funny when he doesn’t want to go to bed yet. All the laundry is done, folded and put away (yay me!). I got a sweet package from our cabin neighbor with a book that I didn’t know I really needed to read. I mentioned wanting some old glass insulators  and a couple barrels of glass stuff my great grandpa collected were discovered in Washington. They haven’t been opened in 40 years since he passed away. That’s kind of cool.

But isn’t that what life is? Right? It’s hard and challenging and mixed in there are the amazing, beautiful moments that make it worth it all. I’m hoping all  my bad times are happening in these last two years- but even that’s hard to say. I’ve had two devastating losses… and a handful of big losses, a lot of ‘oh well’ moments… but all and all… my life is good. And isn’t the hard and sad supposed to make the happy and amazing seem better?

All I know is I’m ready to appreciate some really, really, really great moments. Let’s start that now. And…. go!