It’s constant. The small voices in my head. Except they are not only in my head, they are all around me, all the time. My children NEVER stop talking. Ever. Until they are asleep… and then they even talk in their sleep.

I know I am blessed to have two happy, healthy kiddos who have great vocabularies, communication skills and imaginations, but I’d like, maybe, five minutes of no talking. No. Talking. Five seems like a really high goal, so maybe…. we will start with one minute. Probably still unrealistic.

From the moment G wakes up she is in her room singing, talking to her babies and telling stories about her life. It starts around 7am and continues until she passed out around 7:30. And she’s only three and a half. I cannot even imagine where this mania is heading.

My son is loud. I mean LOUD. And he gets really excited and does this stuttering type thing… where he repeats things like ‘and then’ twenty times before spitting out what he wants to say. And gets louder each repetition.

The two of them together means one is always trying to talk over the other. Then getting mad because they want to be the only speaker. Not that it matters because the adults are doing their best to talk to each other. We do a lot of verbalizing at our house. It’s a lot. All. The. Time.

Today we went to a Fall Festival in our community. It was super crowded and pretty fun. The kids had a ton of fun playing with their long lost friend ‘Baby Lux’ who is now not an actual baby anymore and in reality is only 9 months younger than G. And has his own baby sister now. Anyway, they ran, raced, built castles with rocks, rode rides, ate dogs on a stick and had an awesome time. We got in the car and both kids melted down into whining, crying messes UNTIL… they both were silent. Looked back and guess what?! Napping had commenced.

And it was silent for an hour. I’m paying for that silence now as they are racing around my house doing ‘hot laps’ when we should be going to bed. And S did just tell G that she is’ the meanest little sister I ever had’ because she stole his Batman and ran away with it while laughing manically.But I have to tell you… it was worth it. Absolutely worth it.

The Walmart. How I hate that I love you.

I needed to go to the store and Walmart has the items I needed for my preschool event this week. All the items, in one spot. Considering my wild child three year old and my exhausted from adjusting to kindergarten boy were accompanying me, we had to go with the one stop shop. I really need a car babysitter for moments like these. Or grocery delivery services.

The debate began about who was going to walk and who wanted to ride. Exhausted five year old wanted to ride. Wild child obviously would never be riding. Way too restrictive for her. There happened to be a ‘car-cart’ upon entering and both kids happily hopped up. As soon as I mentioned the ‘b’ word (buckle up) wild child hopped right back down, refusing to ride. And my poor big boy was squeezed into those tiny buckles. I know… I should let him walk… but two walking is too much. They become small-medium sized tornadoes and I have to abandon cart and leave. No time for that tonight- I needed to get my list done. And this Mama is tired after wrangling small people at preschool all day.

Off we go with wild child snagging things to throw in the cart and my big boy just being awesome and chatting away about his day. We picked up plates, napkins, bowls, tablecloths,etc from the party section… and then it went downhill fast. The toy section is way too close to the party time section. G-Mae (aka wild child. Aka threenager) spotted the ‘boo-tiful Bawbies!’ and ran off to adopt one. Sawyer some sort of new barbie sized Batman and started going on about Batman excitedly. After wrangling her back over to our cart we speed walked/ran with the cart to the food area.

While G-Mae waltzed and hip hopped around the other shoppers, only narrowly escaping being run over by a cart once and tripping one lady (who thankfully did not fall down, but it was close), I managed to gather up all the required food items. With only two additional items my kindergartner ‘needed’ for lunches. G-Mae veered to the cookies while we were getting apples (WHY do they put the bakery by the produce?!?) and possibly sampled one out of a box that was not closed properly. I mean… they do give away cookies at most box store bakeries… maybe this was her silent rebellion against Walmart not giving them away. Who knows? More realistic is the girl wanted a cookie. Saw a cookie. Got a cookie. Threenagers.

Forgot to get paper, so back to the other side of the store we go. Almost done and G-mae plops down to the ground. It’s her signature move for when she needs to go to the bathroom. Some kids dance. Some kids wiggle. My daughter sits down on the ground physically preventing (or so she thinks) any urine from escaping. Off to the bathroom we go. This Walmart trip was never going to end.

Check out time…. finally. Seriously. We were there for forever and a day. Went in during the afternoon and it was night when we got out. Kind of. The good news is we got a very, very careful checker. Another translation for ‘careful’ could be insanely sloooooowww. She was very nice, and talked to the kids, but it took long enough for wild child to knock everything over on the impulse purchase shelf (fun game for me), then I put her in the cart and she reached over and wildly spun the bagging wheel, and then pushed off the register so the cart went flying forward.

One trip to the Walmart. One exhausted Mama. Two wild childs. See you in a few months Walmart. It will be that long before I forget how ridiculous this visit was.

Last weekend before kindergarten begins. We went to the lake to enjoy the gift of sunshine and squeeze in a little more fun. Broke out the homemade slip ‘n slide, whipped up some healthy smoothies and were getting ready to pop over and visit the neighbors (Aunt and Uncle). Then, it happened.

He was supposed to be changing his clothes (his were wet from slipping and sliding) and I hear a choking noise… and a panicked ‘Oh no. Mama! Mama! I just swallowed a battery. Am I going to die? Am I going to die?’. He popped the back off of his sisters little key chain phone, somehow managed to get the small button battery out of the back and then ‘needed to know what it tasted like’. Unfortunately, he had some spit to swallow and that battery went right down the hatch.

I did what most moms do in an emergency like this: called my mom. She said ‘Get in the car and get him to the hospital RIGHT. NOW.’ So we did that. We loaded up the dogs and kids and booked it to the closest emergency room, almost an hour away. In the mean time S is freaking out in the car, my mom is freaking out waiting for us at the hospital, and G (who is three) was trying to talk everyone down. My husband was about 7 driving hours away at work and started packing up when he heard the news.

We were brought back right away at the ER. Not a good sign. They did an x-ray and then the doctor said the surgeon was on his way down. I said,’ Wait. What? Surgeon?’. She explained that these are the worst kind of batteries- the only kind they really worry about- and can cause a lot of damage in a short amount of time. Great. Two days before kindergarten emergency surgery.

After a few hours of the doctor wavering on her surgery recommendation based on the opinions of experts in internal medicine, pediatric surgery and his pediatrician they decided it would be okay to wait for a day, with laxatives and see if he passed it by himself. And gave us things to look for as far as signs it was leaking or stuck. Great times. So off we go back to the cabin (since all our stuff was there) to wait for poop. I didn’t realize how much poop would become a part of my life after having kids. Heads up for those of you without kids.

We loaded little man up with his favorite snacks and laxative to get things moving. Daddy got there about four hours after we got home from the hospital, just in time to help smoosh through poop looking for a tiny battery. No luck that night or early the next morning.

The good news is after we ran and got coffee/looked for moose, we came home and S had to poop, but didn’t tell us. A little bit later we discovered the battery had been sitting in the bathroom in a small bowl (that fits on the toilet to catch poop. That’s apparently a product. We own two now. Just in case you need it.) and had a giant poop dance! Hallelujah!

You’d think that’s the end of the story right? Lesson is ‘we only put food and drink in our mouth’, right? NOPE! Not the end. Kindergarten started and in the excitement I forgot to tell his new teacher about the incident. So when Sawyer had blood in his stool at school, they didn’t think it was important to relay that information, or as the nurse said ‘We can’t believe everything five year olds tell us.” Well… if that’s the case, maybe school nurse isn’t the job for you. Just saying.

Good news is I’m now on the nurse’s call list if something happens to my kid. I also got to meet the principal and share my concerns. And the teacher was so apologetic. And I will be communicating directly with her if there’s a similar incident. More good news: our pediatrician said it’s probably just from passing a foreign body, and if it happens again to bring him in. No repeats yet.

His best buddy at school (I drive them home from school, his mom takes them there in the mornings) told me not to worry. ‘He solved that problem, Ms. Kiri. He just isn’t going to poop anymore.’ We will see how that goes.

So let’s all remember: we only put FOOD and DRINK in our mouths. Food. Or. Drink.