Every pregnancy is different. Or so I’ve been told. My first two were very similar: sick, tired, crabby and torturous. This one… pretty much the opposite.
When my daughter turned two, my son turned four and life became more enjoyable. It was like a sigh of relief after two years of chaos and managing sibling jealousy issues, potty training, nursing, sleep challenges for my oldest… but when she turned two it all seemed to get better. And I went from never wanting another baby, to needing one more.
After almost a year of convincing my husband how awesome it would be, we were almost there. Then we suffered loss after loss after challenge for a year and a half or so. It was one thing after the other and the dream of a tiny sweet baby, one more completing person for our family, was slipping away… lost in the darkness of constant rain. I didn’t know that we would ever get to where we are now… pregnant with baby #3.
Pregnancy number three has been a blessing. It’s almost as if this is where and when we are supposed to be, even if we had wanted to be here sooner. I have never felt so amazing while making a small person. Time is flying by with a six year old and four year old to play with. Having kids old enough to know what a baby is and be enthusiastic and so loving is a huge difference from having a 18 month old and wondering how they will feel with a new baby to take away the attention.
I feel like our path is a blessed one- which is weird to say considering all the loss and hard times we have had recently. There were times I didn’t want to go through the motions of a normal life when it felt like anything but. There were days where it was exhausting to try to smile until I felt like smiling or pretend to be excited about events… when really I’d prefer to just stay in bed all day hiding from the next bad thing that was coming. But we made it through that rough patch. I know rough times will always be around, but this feels like a lull in the storm.
Feeling that tiny person kick around in my tummy the last week has reminded me how incredible life is. From tiny cells a new person is forming- tiny ears, toes, fingers, lips, and a heart that beats on it’s own. Probably a spunky, independent little person with huge ideas of their own (that’s judging by our first two sweet babies). I’m sure we’re in for a wild ride, but if I’ve gained anything from the past year and a half, it’s to enjoy the small beautiful moments. Like a tiny person saying hello from the inside. 🙂